Beyond the Facade
How to Create an Environment That Nurtures Your Authentic Self and Aspirations
In a society where we learn that appearances are important through social networks, standard of living or even where we go on vacation. Success is defined by our relationships, what we possess or money. Many people are conditioned from childhood to be in a mold because we follow the teaching of our parents, school and now what we see on our screens. And if the definition of success is different, we are judged by our family, friends or colleagues environment. So how to level up or create an environment when we have a different definition than the one society imposes on us? How to fight against the power of the environment? Does this condition us to remain stuck in our life if we don't have an environment deemed perfect.
Looking at social networks, you have the impression that when you don't have an aesthetic house with a well-arranged fridge in transparent jars or go on vacation in Greece or Bali or Japan while wearing the latest fashionable clothes, you have failed your life. If you don't make it by the end of a month, according to experts or your family you are worthless. I'm not saying we shouldn't desire to want things but it prevents us from seeing what is good in our life and our successes. We can use our successes to level up and use what we don't have as a booster. But if we don't like anything in our life it leads to comparison, imposter syndrome. so how to get out of an environment that reminds us that we are not in the mold like being an entrepreneur when everyone advocates being an employee or getting out of a toxic environment?
There are 3 types of environments:
- societal (with laws, politics and what happens in the world where we have no control)
- relational (family, friends, romantic and work)
- physical (the place where you live)
We will focus on the last 2.
I) Relational environment
Many talented women struggle to achieve their desired life not because of laziness or procrastination, but due to a toxic environment that stifles their potential. The core issue often lies in the difficulty of prioritizing oneself, and consistently putting others' needs first. Countless women grapple with their identity because they've been conditioned from an early age to please others. This conditioning creates deep-seated traumas, triggering anxiety or even anguish when attempting to prioritize their own needs. When they try to put themselves first or face a challenge, they often find themselves isolated. This frequently stems from trauma linked to an emotionally unavailable mother. You've been programmed to give more while receiving mere crumbs in return. Consequently, when you attempt to change your life, you struggle to prioritize yourself because your brain perceives it as a threat to your survival.
I was once that person who always put others first, believing it defined my worth as a good person. This ingrained behavior made it incredibly challenging when I launched my own venture. I struggled to promote my work and battled severe imposter syndrome. My lack of self-confidence attracted individuals who only sought to exploit my knowledge for free.
Our environment shapes our behavior profoundly; we often attract people who trigger our traumas, providing opportunities for healing. The maternal wound, resulting from being raised to earn love by catering to our parents' needs, often leads to difficulties in self-care and personal growth.
Consider this: if you're aiming to grow your business, you'll need to work on your identity, especially if you come from a family where affection was conditional. You might encounter challenges such as:
- Setting appropriate prices for your services
- Increasing rates to ensure business sustainability
- Overcoming sales blocks that keep you at a revenue plateau
- Creating compelling content that resonates with your audience
- Balancing education and conversion to avoid the 'friendzone' trap
- Recognizing and celebrating your achievements, combating feelings of inferiority
Working with one of my clients, we transformed her situation by addressing her identity and maternal wound using my "5 Connections of Femininity" method. By realizing she needed to claim her space and stop seeking her mother's permission to live, she developed a powerful content strategy that skyrocketed her income from 2K to 5K in less than a month.
Similarly, personal transformation, like weight loss, becomes more challenging in an environment that normalizes unhealthy habits. It's significantly harder to adopt a healthy lifestyle in a family that relies on processed foods compared to one that prioritizes nutritional education.
The ultimate goal is to reclaim your power by moving beyond victimhood. If we don't have the life we desire, it's not solely due to our environment but because we've allowed ourselves to be shaped by it. We often default to fear as our ego tries to protect us from the unknown. However, by identifying our behavioral patterns and understanding their origins, we can consciously reprogram ourselves. This self-awareness allows us to create effective strategies for achieving the transformative changes we truly desire.
II) Physical environment
Another crucial aspect we often overlook is the profound impact our living environment has on our energy and well-being. We don't exist in isolation; our surroundings, from noisy neighbors to an uninspiring apartment or a city that fails to ignite our passion, all play a significant role in shaping our daily experiences and long-term growth.
In this age of social media, we're constantly bombarded with images of picture-perfect homes and extraordinary living spaces, inadvertently fostering feelings of inadequacy. This visual overload can be paralyzing, making you hesitate to film content for your aspiring YouTube channel or struggle to find the words when you sit down to write. The pressure to present a flawless facade can stifle creativity and authenticity.
However, the pursuit of perfection often leads us astray from what truly matters. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, we need to reconnect with our inner selves, particularly our feminine energy. This reconnection allows us to rediscover our authentic being and true desires. While it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we need an abundance of material things or external validation, the reality is far simpler yet profound: we need to identify and nurture what genuinely serves our well-being and personal growth. This shift in perspective from external perfection to internal alignment can be transformative, allowing us to create a living space and lifestyle that authentically reflects and supports our true selves.
III) How to transform your environment into strength?
The first crucial step is to conduct a thorough self-assessment to identify how your environment impacts you. Are you primarily affected at the relational level, the physical level, or a combination of both? This awareness is key to crafting effective changes.
Dedicate a week to closely observe your behavior patterns. Often, the signs of a misaligned environment manifest as forms of self-neglect. Pay attention to indicators such as:
- Chronic procrastination on important tasks or goals
- A pervasive lack of motivation or enthusiasm
- Irregular eating habits, such as rushed meals or skipping them entirely
- Consistently prioritizing others' needs at the expense of your own
- Excessive time spent mindlessly scrolling through social media
- Engaging in frequent self-criticism or negative self-talk
- Falling into the comparison trap with others, especially online
These behaviors are not character flaws but rather symptoms of an environment that may not be nurturing your authentic self and aspirations. By recognizing these patterns, you can begin to address their root causes and create positive change.
To deepen your self-awareness, consider incorporating these journal prompts into your daily reflection:
1. What moments today made me feel most alive and aligned with my true self?
2. In what situations did I find myself compromising my needs or values?
3. How did my physical environment influence my mood and productivity today?
4. What interactions left me feeling energized, and which ones drained me?
5. What's one small change I can make to my environment tomorrow to better support my goals?
6. How did I practice self-care today, and what prevented me from doing so if I didn't?
7. What limiting beliefs about myself surfaced today, and where might they stem from?
By consistently engaging with these prompts, you'll gain valuable insights into how your environment shapes your behaviors and mindset, empowering you to make intentional changes that support your growth and well-being.
The next crucial step is to clearly articulate the identity you aspire to embody. Remember, our identity is fundamentally shaped by our daily habits and routines. By defining your desired identity in concrete terms, you create a roadmap for developing the habits that will transform you into that person.
For instance, if you envision yourself as a health-conscious, active individual, begin by incorporating regular exercise into your routine, gradually increasing your intake of nutrient-rich foods like vegetables, and establishing a consistent sleep schedule to ensure proper recovery. These small, consistent actions compound over time to reshape your identity.
Equally important is cultivating deep self-compassion throughout this journey. Recognize that you've been conditioned by years of experiences and societal influences. The process of personal growth and self-healing is not a sprint but a lifelong marathon. It's entirely normal and expected to face internal resistance when attempting to change deeply ingrained habits, especially those formed in early childhood.
Consider emotional eating as an example: if you've learned to cope with sadness by consuming sugary foods, effectively numbing your emotions, changing this pattern requires patience and understanding. This habit didn't form overnight, and it won't disappear instantly either. Remember that even in moments of perceived failure or setback, there's always a valuable lesson to be learned.
Embrace each step of your journey, celebrating small victories and viewing challenges as opportunities for growth. By approaching your transformation with kindness and persistence, you create a sustainable path to becoming the person you aspire to be, one habit at a time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the journey of transforming your environment and redefining success is both challenging and deeply rewarding. By understanding the profound impact of your relational and physical surroundings, you take the first step towards creating a life that truly aligns with your authentic self and aspirations.
Remember, this process is not about achieving perfection or conforming to societal expectations. It's about reconnecting with your inner wisdom, particularly your feminine energy, and crafting an environment that nurtures your growth and well-being. This may involve reevaluating relationships, reimagining your physical space, and most importantly, reshaping your relationship with yourself.
As you embark on this transformative journey, be patient and compassionate with yourself. Change takes time, and setbacks are part of the process. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating. Your past conditioning and habits don't define your future – they're simply lessons that have brought you to this point of awareness and growth.
Embrace the power of self-reflection, intentional habit-building, and self-compassion. These tools will guide you as you navigate the complexities of personal growth and environmental change. Remember, the goal isn't to create a picture-perfect life, but rather a life that feels authentic, fulfilling, and aligned with your true self.
Your journey is unique, and your definition of success is yours to define. By taking control of your environment and nurturing your personal growth, you're not just improving your own life – you're inspiring others to do the same. In doing so, you contribute to a world where diverse paths to fulfillment are celebrated and individuals are empowered to live truly authentic lives.
Take this knowledge, apply it with intention, and watch as your transformed environment becomes the fertile ground from which your dreams and aspirations flourish.
My mood of the week: Reconnecting with Myself
This week has been emotionally challenging. I've struggled with writing. I truly value this newsletter as it allows me to create more personal content. However, putting words to my pain remains complex, especially since I used to cope by eating my emotions. Last week, I relapsed, indulging in candy and ice cream amidst the heat. But after visiting the doctor, I realized I need to take better care of myself. As I mentioned in my article, I must prioritize my health and business.
This week, or next, I plan to purchase an iPad. I've discovered that I need to work outside my home to write effectively. My environment must stimulate me, and I've realized that I enjoy writing in bookstores or cafes. This change in scenery could significantly boost my productivity and creativity.
The second focus is exercise. Yes, I'm returning to the gym. Last week in Paris, the heat was overwhelming, so I resorted to running or taking long walks instead of going to the gym. I'm considering starting a modified "75 Hard" challenge, which I might call "75 Feminine Connection." This program would push me to read, meditate, and take better care of myself daily. I'll share more details about this soon.
I'm contemplating this challenge as a way to instill discipline and self-care habits that align with my feminine energy and overall well-being. It's not just about physical fitness, but also about mental and emotional growth.
Thank you for taking the time to read and subscribe to my newsletter. Your support means a lot to me. If you're interested in more marketing advice, don't hesitate to check out Mademoiselle Mindset. I'm committed to providing valuable insights and strategies to help you grow your business while maintaining a balanced, fulfilling life.
Remember, personal growth and business success are intertwined. By taking care of ourselves, we're better equipped to face challenges and seize opportunities in both our personal and professional lives.
Hey Alycia, this is a great read! As a writer, I’ve always felt like environment had a major impact on my writing career when I first started. I was ultimately lazy and inconsistent in my physical environment at home, but most of that changed when I went to college, surrounded myself with supportive friends, and spent more time alone with myself. That’s what helped me ingrain my writing habit and I’ve kept it going since then. Also, writing allowed me to apply a lot more self-reflection like you mentioned, which also helped me choose the environments I work best in. Thank you so much for sharing this! Your newsletter is awesome by the way! Just subscribed! :)
Thanks you khadeiah