Forgive Yourself Is The Best Way To Create The Life That You Really Want
Choosing Self-Forgiveness Is the Fastest Route to Living Your Best Life
For years, I long thought that if I did what people wanted if I was perfect, then I would have what I desired: a beautiful house, a love life like in the movies, and a great relationship with my body. I attracted the complete opposite just to please others instead of myself. This impacted all aspects of my life until I forgot myself for others. Many people spend their time resenting others because they've done things for which others are not grateful. In reality, the first step to having what we want is learning to forgive ourselves.
I did everything to be perfect, it's so exhausting because I lost myself and I had people who used me. They took my kindness for weakness. I saw the potential in people, in reality, I was seeing my potential. I didn't have confidence in myself. I realized that I couldn't forgive myself for the reactions I had at certain periods in my life. As a good overthinker, I would replay in my head the situations, and people's phrases, and I would self-punish by eating or criticizing myself. Until I learned to forgive myself and love this young woman who was seeking external validation; She was afraid of her potential. She was afraid to go all out because she was taught to forget herself for others. Instead of learning to love herself, to think of herself first, and that each failure is just a lesson.
Breaking Free from the Perfectionism Trap
Many people spend their time resenting others for not appreciating their efforts. In reality, the first step to achieving what we want is learning to forgive ourselves. I did everything to be perfect, which was exhausting because I lost myself and attracted people who took advantage of me. They mistook my kindness for weakness. I saw potential in others, but in reality, I was seeing my potential. I lacked self-confidence. I realized that I couldn't forgive myself for my reactions during certain periods of my life. As a chronic overthinker, I would replay situations and people's words in my head, punishing myself by overeating or self-criticism.
Until I learned to forgive myself and love this young woman who was seeking external validation. She was afraid of her potential. She was afraid to go all out because she was taught to forget herself for others. Instead of learning to love herself, to think of herself first, and that each failure is just a lesson.
The Journey to Self-Forgiveness and Self-Love
People think forgiveness means forgetting and moving on. This pressure to want to be perfect, to always want to make the right choice, is hard. It's important to tell yourself that you can make mistakes in a relationship to learn, or even in your business. We're so afraid of failure, and so we have this pressure due to society or even family that we prefer to stay in this golden cage always saying yes to others rather than learning to forgive ourselves. To allow ourselves to be more in our feminine energy, less in control, and to learn to love ourselves even when we fail. The hardest thing is that we manage to forgive others but not ourselves because we didn't stick to our diet. After all, we ate cakes, and so we ate ice cream, candy, and pizza. But we can't give ourselves compassion. So, how can you accept someone helping you if you can't do it for yourself? That's why many women stay in the cycle of self-sabotage. We're in survival mode because it's our comfort zone; it's just a trauma response that allows us to survive and not be safe. For me, when I eat sugar it's my comfort zone, I keep criticizing myself, and eating because I don't feel safe in my environment, not taking my place and always thinking of others.
It's about learning to love the person you were and parenting yourself with the compassion you didn't receive but gave to others who didn't deserve it. It's allowing yourself to see yourself as someone who is learning.
Sometimes, you don't have the life you want because you can't forgive yourself and hold onto things in your heart for years. Instead, learn to give yourself compassion for behaviors you had with the tools you had at the time.
Embracing Imperfection and Learning from Mistakes
In reality, you need help if you recognize yourself in these words; you don't have to continue criticizing yourself and having coping mechanisms such as drinking alcohol, contacting your ex, having sex with strangers, being hyper-independent, or shopping. The goal is to forgive. Please in your love life, and professional life, understand the origin and especially what you need. This appears in different spaces of your life in your love life, professional life, your environment. If you don't have the life you want, it's not just that you don't have the money you want the relationship of your dreams, or the job of your dreams because you can change from one day to the next. It's a part of you that is ashamed. This shame and this guilt allow you to accept what is unacceptable. I bet that if a friend tells you for example that she ate a liter of ice cream, you wouldn't criticize her but help her. You need to accept that your emotions are valid, even if your parents invalidated them in your childhood. Otherwise, the pressure to be perfect and always make the right choice is hard. It's important to remember that we have the right to make mistakes in relationships or business to learn. We're so afraid of failure that we prefer to stay in a golden cage, always saying yes to others, rather than learning to forgive ourselves.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
The phrase Fake it until you make it doesn't work in this case. You can only forgive yourself when you're ready to go to the deepest level, it goes beyond just looking at yourself in a mirror and apologizing or reading positive affirmations. Otherwise, you'll watch videos or read an article, you'll go back to being in this self-sabotage cycle. It's a step of self-love and in the process of self-love. You must accept this part of you that loves this comfort zone, consciously or unconsciously. If you can't change and every year you make resolutions, nothing changes. It's because you like it. After all, it brings you something. You need to give yourself compassion and get out of victimization. You need to get out of the nothing or all mentality, it's normal to make mistakes because it allows you to learn. By changing your mindset, when you're going to miss a day of sports or when you're going to act badly with a person, you'll be able to forgive yourself and change your behavior.
Get off social media, many people idealize the lives of people or even their friends because you have the impression that people have a better life than you, that it's easier for you. This will reinforce being harder on yourself and being jealous. Except you don't know what's behind the scenes. You need to get out of the victim mentality to have compassion and forgive yourself. You don't have the same life and you need to learn to know yourself, to create this life that you want according to your definition. This requires being accompanied and telling yourself the truth about why you're not in this position as a leader of your life. It starts with giving yourself love by forgiving why we've reached this stage in our lives. Otherwise, you act like your emotionally unavailable parent who compared you with your sister or your cousin.
We're a few months from the end of the year, you can change your life right now. You have the right to change and have what you want. If you want to have a coach, just send me a DM, and we can discuss how I can help you in this phase.
My mood of the week: Personal Update and Reflection
As you may have noticed, I didn't write last week. I've been sick with a severe allergic reaction that led me to the emergency room. I'm still unwell and struggling to write, feeling a bit guilty. As this post talks about forgiveness, I've realized how hard I've been on myself regarding my weight and my business. I did the best I could. I wasn't ready for a big change due to fear and impostor syndrome.
I'm ready now. I know I no longer need to strive for perfection but to do my best each day and understand the days when I struggle because I'm human. I'm so grateful to have a body that loves me, a roof over my head, and food to eat every day.
Embracing the Present Moment
What I love right now is autumn. I love seeing the changing colors of leaves and the temperature change. I love the decorations we can make and wearing skirts with tights. I enjoy writing with my blanket, and my lemon water, with background music or a video playing. Yes, it's a bit grandma-like, but I love it so much.
Thank you for taking the time to read and subscribe to my newsletter. Your support means a lot to me. If you're interested in more marketing advice, don't hesitate to check out Mademoiselle Mindset. I'm committed to providing valuable insights and strategies to help you grow your business while maintaining a balanced, fulfilling life.
If you want to support my work :